Lady Drama has the strength of 10 men, but suffers from severe narcolepsy.
Lady Drama does not know fear, but it does experience frequent misgivings.
Lady Drama can beat up Chuck Norris, but not Grover Norquist.
Lady Drama is charming with your parents, but violent with your furniture.
Lady Drama thinks macaroons are overrated.
Lady Drama totally loves you, but cannot say so without sounding ironic.
Lady Drama is sorry, but not really.
posted by: The White Noyze
We will explain nothing today. We have no words. Lady Drama is not a thing but an occurrence, coming into existence only on periodic occasions. You can prepare for it, but you can’t control it when it happens.
Lady Drama is inexplicable, and we feel kind of lucky for that. Nobody deserves that kind of knowledge. Beauty is a black box.
All these poor bastards are making themselves sick with anticipation and sick with loss. Their whole world is a sand castle, blurring in the surf. What a useless disposition. To you, we say let it all go. Live your damn life. Lady Drama will be here when you need it.
Submitted by: Wolf Blitzer
Lady Drama traces its roots back to Eden. It was in that garden when that broad ate that apple–or persimmon or frick’n kumquat or whathaveyou–that you could say the world experienced its first instance of “lady drama.”
“Um, why did you eat that? He told us not to eat that.”
“You want some?”
“Yeah.”
It was a simpler time then, when the mere tasting of a fruit could instigate the moral demise of an entire species. These days you can’t bring down a civilization without some sort of kumquat-default swap.
And it was all Eve’s fault.
But the world soon witnessed new heights of feminine drama. Pope Joan, Anne Boleyn, Clara Schumann, Debbie Reynolds, Grace Jones, and that profligate little girl on the Morton’s salt container would all come to embody the inherently troubled state of womanhood.
These days there is new hope for “the ladies” and, by extension, the world. Call it a balm for their burns, a panacea for their pain, a salve for their sores (yuck), or just call it a band with the name Lady Drama. It’s Lady Drama the band. And they’re all dudes.
Submitted by: Brandon
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this band has already done; what sweet-ass musicians can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.
What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale musical arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether the song is too big or too small, but whether it works…
Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, guitar feedback that just rips out your heart with its alien beauty — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.
Submitted by: Wolf Blitzer
Lady Drama was forged in the fires of Mt. Doom. You don’t believe me? Whatever. Themz is like the ring of power, only a band not a ring. One band to rule them all and shit. Did you know that Lady Drama has magic powers? Like they can turn you into ice or something and it costs only 3 points of mana. 3 points! Also, they are on a five-year mission to go boldly into space and wear flame-retardant polyester bodysuits, which is good cuz they’re hottttt!
Submitted by: The White Noyze!
.
Imagine you a tranquil deep, with nary cloud nor gale
All atmosphere is inward drawn, so seldom to exhale
But there! A tiny heresy! A swell upon the brine!
Wherefore stirs this turbulence, and from what tortured clime?
•••
Look on these ever-barren waves — a hollow spear arriv’d
And lo, some ragged band therein doth labor it to glide
‘Faster now,’ sayeth one, ‘and steady on the break!’
‘We’ve not an extra hour left to linger in our wake!’
•••
These four are chas’d by fury, and fury must they chase
For ’round their heads a heav’nly noise doth heavily embrace
The song, the chord, the tone! It runs them nightly through,
And only in the playing doth it vanish into blue.
.
Submitted by: Lord Byron
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem…
….if no one else can help…
……..and if you can find them…
…………..maybe you can hire… Lady Drama.
Submitted by: Wolf Blitzer
Listen. Can you listen for a second? Lady Drama didn’t mean it that way. It’s not that your hair looks ‘puffy’ per se, it’s just that you’re wearing a really light hat. It just floats up there, unhindered by gravity, and makes your skull look kind of swollen. Ok, not swollen in the medical sense — just a bit expansive. And listen, your skull is totally beautiful, ok? Yes, your eyes are a bit far apart, like a dolphin, but Lady Drama loves that about you.
Hey, do you know how smart dolphins are? Lady Drama heard that they can produce intricate squeals using nasal air sacs to track down schools of haddock. Why is that a bad example? Do you not find that fascinating?
Submitted by: The White Noyze!
Lady Drama was first described by noted neuropathologist Dr. William Hertling in 1904, as an acute disorder of the brain’s deep limbic system. Memories of prior ladies are imprinted deeply into the synapses of the “drama nucleus”, located in the anterior hippocampus. The sufferer’s entire sensory apparatus becomes abnormally sensitized to both ladies and their associated drama, resulting in a painful cycle of attraction and rejection. His or her actions become impulsive, driven by the urge to feel out of control, but the conscious mind continually rationalizes the consequences. Read More
Lady Drama has been known to cause minor irritation to soulless bureaucrats. Apply liberally with a spatula or small wooden spoon. Do not jostle Lady Drama. Lady Drama may or may not steal your things. Keep out of reach of marmosets. Store in a cool dry crotch. Lady Drama has been known to construct vague literary metaphors out of actual driftwood and a pile of rusty screws.
By listening to Lady Drama you hereby waive all subsidiary rights to your undergarments. Lady Drama is not a xylophone. If Lady Drama leaks, return it for a full refund. You have already given in to Lady Drama, so please stop shrieking. This is not your bus. You want the #16 to Fremont. Lady Drama is not affiliated with llamas, yo mama, Michelle Obama, an iguana, or punctuation (including commas).
Lady Drama is not responsible for anything, but is willing to claim responsibility for several things, including but not limited to a) Golden Delicious apples b) the sudden prevalence of charitable organizations during the middle of the 19th Century American Republic, helping to give rise to the Transcendentalist Movement in American literature and c) Hurricane Gustav. Delicious on crackers, or on its own!
Submitted by: Brandon