Though Lady Drama moonlights as a musical act, its members are principally concerned with their professional wrestling careers. The boys are presently on tour with the Extreme Wrestling Federation’s
junior circuit and will be appearing at the Burleigh County Convention Center in Bismark, North Dakota next Tuesday. If you’re there, keep an eye out for the following wrestlers:
Mike Hamm (“Hammcock”) is notorious for his gaudy attire, which includes animal print tights, flourescent fur coats, and female sunglasses. His finishing move (dubbed “The Rough Rider”) has left
many opponents in a state of psychological disrepair.
Lincoln Ritter (“Laser Lincoln”) has been hitting the pharmacologist hard in recent months, and now sports biceps that measure twenty seven inches in circumference. He has also developed a bit of a rage
problem and is forgetting, with alarming prevalence, that he’s supposed to pretend when inflicting life threatening pain on an adversary.
Johnny Gunn (“The Gunnsickutioner”) opens his bouts by riding a red, white and blue Warlock chopper up to the ring and belting out his catch phrase: “KILL ‘EM ALL; LET GOD SORT THEM OUT!” Johnny’s
haircut–a long ponytail of beaded braids with the sides of his head shaved–is becoming quite popular amongst the youths in his hometown of Omaha.
Mark Kornblum (“Al-Marq Kornbluhammad”) covers himself with a brownish makeup, dons an oversized keffiyeh and rankles fans with his virulently anti-American comments. Because of his frequent betrayals and double-crossings, Al-Marq is one of the most hated members of Lady Drama–often prompting chants of “U-S-A! U-S-A!” from the crowd.
Submitted by: Brendan Curran
Lady Drama got their first start at the World Beard and Mustache Championships back in 1994. After that, it was the Guinness book of world records in ’95, and then the Nobel Prize in ’96. At that point, they were like “Wow, all of our dreams have come true”. Since then they’re pretty much never been challenged, kind of like that kobayachi hotdog-eating dude until that American guy beat him.
Submitted by: The White Noyze!
Lady Drama is a terrifying manifestation of my deepest subconscious. The band exists only as the outward realization of my id, and should I ever get over myself, Lady Drama will slowly disappear like Marty McFly in “Back to the Future”.
Lady Drama sounds like a howling cacophony of drowning polar bears. Sarah Palin heartily approves of Lady Drama for this exact reason.
Lady Drama will drink you under the table while lecturing you about politics, relationships, anatomy, and the decline of Southern culture.
Submitted by: Hazmat
Lady Drama is commonly recognized as the most important musical entity in the first half of the third millennium.
The band is composed of four members – Mike Hamm, Mark Kornblum, Lincoln Ritter, and Johnny Gunn – all of whom have already been knighted despite not being British, and canonized despite not being Catholic.
Mike comes from a background in film composition, having scored soundtracks for such classics as The Graduate (1967) and 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). Mark currently serves as the President’s “Secretary of Sweet-Ass Music”, a new cabinet-level position authorized under the Patriot Act. Lincoln’s extensive catalogue of electronic/experimental music is the first to have measurable effects on global weather patterns. Johnny is the world’s foremost expert in ethnomusicology, and is widely credited with bringing music to Africa.
Submitted by: The White Noyze!
And after the hellfire of the four horsemen had scorched the cities of man, I saw a great beast rise out of the sea. The beast was Lady Drama, and he had eight eyes, four heads, eight testicles and three stringed instruments. The beast opened its mouth and blasphemed, proclaiming all manner of obscenity. The voice of the beast, the haunting Rock of Lady Drama, cried out to the allies of Satan, marshalling the fallen ones for the Campaign of Armageddon. And I saw them join battle with God and his angels.
Submitted by: St. John
Lady Drama is gentle on skin, and will not irritate the eyes. It is never tested on animals, and every ingredient is 100% organic and hormone-free. Lady Drama is naturally scented with the extract from a Mongolian shrub, and never dyed, bleached, sand-blasted or pasteurized. The 100% hypoallergic components of Lady Drama include anti-inflammatory enzymes and renewing enrichment agents that permeate deep into every nook and cranny. Lady Drama is non-drying, non-stick, utterly flame retardant, and laced with a supplement banned in 14
countries.
Lady Drama: Everything you could possibly want it to be.
Submitted by: Johnson & Johnson & Johnson